


Piccolo's Mistake (or How to Court a Saiyan)

by Niennas_Apprentice (Niennas_apprentice)



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Demisexuality, First Kiss, Fluff and Crack, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Touch the boob, implied polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 07:25:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12383592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niennas_apprentice/pseuds/Niennas_Apprentice
Summary: Piccolo discovers attraction. Vegeta gets jelaous. Goku is oblivious.Also known as how Piccolo got a boyfriend and Vegeta got laid.





	Piccolo's Mistake (or How to Court a Saiyan)

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure self indulgence, no shame.
> 
> Dedicated to @adamwarlock

Oh shit, he’s hot .

Piccolo had never understood what made the others act so weird. What made them want to touch and caress and kiss and make stupid pathetic dopey eyes at each other and proclaim all these mushy feelings. Before going to Namek he had just assumed that this was because of him being evil incarnate and the son of the demon king. But after fusing with Nail he had known that it wasn’t just him being broken, Nail was just as confused about the mating rituals of the earthlings. It had almost been a bit of a relief to just drop the whole matter into the basket of residual feelings of these aliens are so weird that were almost all that was left of Nail’s personality in his head now.

But now he was overseeing Gohan train with his father. And for once it wasn’t the kid he couldn’t keep his eyes off of. It was Goku. Like the man was some kind of magnet he was stuck in place, eyes following the Saiyans movements and hearing his easy laugh and his encouraging and kind voice and… It was such a completely new experience that he couldn't help but stare, eyes glued to the movements of strong muscles moving and poking through the ridiculous neckline of Goku's gi.

Inside his head Kami laughed at him, also a new, weird feeling that he hadn’t gotten used to yet since fusing back with his other half. Once they had been truly one, but having spent so long apart the two sides of him didn’t fit together perfectly anymore. But usually Kami’s voice was content with just occasionally giving him advice or opinions, but now he was unhelpfully laughing straight at him. Bastard.

“Hey Piccolo, you okay?”

Crap, he hadn’t even noticed that they had finished their training session and now both of them were looking at him. Suddenly embarrassed he forcefully looked away from Goku’s gleaming skin.

“I don't know what you're talking about” he said.

“Well, me and Gohan are done now, so we're gonna go home for dinner. You wanna join?“ Goku’s smile and easy friendliness suddenly made Piccolos heart beat faster and his ears warm up. Absolutely unacceptable. Abort mission. He felt the sudden overwhelming need to place as much distance between himself and the warm, carefree, reckless Saiyan as possible, preferably so far away that it circled around and he could punch the awful smile off his face. But that would make Gohan upset so the first alternative would have to do.

“No I… I have to go. Important… stuff…” he managed to say before shooting up into the sky, not noticing Gohan looking worryingly after him.

 

Piccolo crossed his legs and settled in next to his favorite waterfall to contemplate what had just occurred. Floating gently above the water he tried to figure out what had just happened. It had been a completely normal situation. He had seen Goku train before, he knew the look of his body, the sound of his voice, the form of his warm laughter as well as he knew his own. But still it was somehow different now. Just thinking about it brought back that warm, mushy feeling in his stomach. Horrible! All these new feelings. He had gotten accustomed to the friendliness, to caring, to loyalty. Gohan had taught him kindness and loving and now years later he had accepted and even grown to like it.

Kami laughed at him again, amusement clear. In their meditative state they could still be a little more separated.

“Now tell me what is so funny” Piccolo demanded

“Is it not obvious? Or well I suppose it is not” Kami smiled. And then he threw an onslaught of memories onto him. Memories of being still and calm and content. Memories of Kami at the outlook, just him and his Popo. How slowly the pair had grown closer and closer. How Kami had started to look at Popo with that same warm feeling in his stomach, and how it had only grown stronger as the years went by. Kami had even found a word for the feeling. Popo had happily explained the concept of love to his master and they had been happier for it.

Piccolo's eyes flew open as he violently slapped the memories away.

“I am not in love!” scandalized at the mere thought of such a ridiculous notion he wanted to just leave the situation completely. But he couldn’t very well run away from himself. Or well, he supposed that once upon a time he had succeeded in just that, but look what that had achieved. The Namekian that was now Piccolo knew better than to suppress his emotions like that, he had learned the hard way. His thoughts were drawn back to the sound of Goku’s laughter, to the love in his eyes when he looked at Gohan, his warmth, kindness and firm belief in the good of the world that he had so obviously passed on to his child. All of the things that made Gohan the person he was, the child that had looked at him and not seen a monster to be scared of, but a person to talk to and rely on. Like he now relied on Goku to watch over Gohan when he wasn’t there. How he trusted Goku to watch his back and Goku trusted Piccolo to watch over him and his son. And how he couldn’t take his eyes off him earlier for entirely different reasons than watching a fight. How even now, just thinking about the saiyan fighting made him wonder how it would feel to go hand to hand with him again. It had been so long ago now, and Piccolo could feel how Goku’s ki had grown and developed so much since then. And sparring would give him a chance to get closer to the ridiculous collection of muscles bursting out of the orange gi. Ok, so maybe he was in love with the stupid Saiyan. Smiling a little despite himself Piccolo settled down into the meditation pose again, a plan already forming in his head.

 

The first part of any good plan is intel. So partly out of habit, well, Kami’s habit, and partly out of desire to ask the only other Namekian on the planet for advice, Piccolo headed out to the guardian temple. Usually he avoided the place, being there felt weird as it had used to be his home, kind of. It had used to be Kami’s home. And being around Popo made his stomach clench and his heart hurt. Huh, he guess he kind of understood why now. The fusion of his halves would in time heal up completely, but at this point his and Kamis, and sometimes even Nails personalities were very defined and separated. Meditating made it easier.

“Piccolo, what a surprise” Mr. Popo said as he walked up to where he and Dende were standing at the edge of the lookout, probably practising watching out over the world as usual.

“I need advice” he answered. Dende’s warm smile faltered a little. Piccolo regretted his gruff opening immediately, as much as he didn’t want to acknowledge it, it still really was his fault the kid was stuck there with no company but Popo most days. But it was too late to take it back now.

“Ok, what can I help you with?” Dende asked.

“You know Namekian culture” he said. “How does one take a mate?”

Mr. Popo froze at his words.

“Popo cannot help you with this” the guardians guardian and promptly left. Piccolo would almost feel bad for the creature, now knowing how the concept of him taking a mate might hurt him when it was probably words he had longed to hear from Kami. But that couldn't be helped either. As much as Kami was part of him now, he also was not the old guardian anymore. It just left Dende staring kind of helplessly at him.

“Ummm… Mate?” he asked.

“I grew up on earth and even before that I never had any memories of Namek. And Nails memories proved to be equally unhelpful. So I thought to ask the only other who would know about the matter on earth” he explained.

“Yeah but Mr. Piccolo, Namekians do not have mates”

“What? Of course we have mates, why wouldn’t we have mates? Everyone has potential mates” Piccolo said more confused than ever, because even as he hadn’t ever before understood the feelings or instincts that led to people or even animals taking mates he had always understood the reasoning behind it. You needed a mate to procreate and to help protect the home and family, and usually to provide comfort and happiness. And taking a mate among sentient creatures always involved some more or less complex and confusing courting rituals. That’s just how it was, right?

“Piccolo, Namekians are born when our father decides to make an egg and throws it up, offering a bit of his life force in exchange for a wholly new life. We are a society of brothers, there are no mates”

“No… mates?” the words came out of his mouth without his meaning to and sounded small even to his own very purple ears.

“At least no ones I’ve ever heard of” Dende said slowly and then cocked his head. “I suppose that you weren’t raised on Namek so maybe you would feel the need to have one”

Piccolo felt his chest tighten slightly at the reminder that he truly wasn’t a part off even his own people. Even amongst his own kind he would have been an outsider and an outlier. Feeling his heart rate growing faster he closed his eyes and forced his breath to calm down, counting a few deep breaths before opening his eyes again. It was ok. He could deal with being the weird one out. He was used to that. It wasn't even that he needed a mate . The thought of just taking a random being as a life partner sounded horrible and useless, it was enough that he was still broken in his own head. But this was Goku they were talking about.

“Can you still help me figure it out?” Piccolo sighed, smiling halfheartedly at the small guardian. Dende frowned at him but slowly relaxed as Piccolo calmed down.

“Well I’ve been watching the earth and human culture for a while now. And I’ve understood that the most important thing is to show off your ‘assets’, preferably through low cut shirts?” Dende offered. Piccolo thought of Goku’s gi, it’s low neckline and the way it made his chest look when he was out of breath and breathing heavily after a hard training pass and… Ugh this was the entire problem! With a humph of breath he gave Dende a smirk that made the small guardian pale, mortified by the implication.

“I have just the idea.”

 

At the capsule corporation Piccolo found Vegeta standing under a tree, seemingly just there for dramatic effect. As he neared him, the Saiyan opened his eyes slightly to glance at him.

“What are you doing here? “

“I came for advice” Piccolo reluctantly admitted. Vegeta gave a knowing smirk.

“Well well well, you came to the right place then”

“What do Saiyans like?”

Vegeta frowned, clearly not expecting the question.

“Well, to a Saiyan nothing is more important than his pride” he drawled, “So we like to do things that show our strengths and our badassery”

“Well yeah, but what do Saiyans like?”

Vegetas frown somehow deepened. Piccolo crossed his arms. He needed to know, it was important information for his plan to work.

“Nothing is more important than to see that a mate will bring honor to their name. A strong will and physical prowess is essential” Vegeta looked straight at him. “But why would you ask that? It's not as if you're…” he stopped mid sentence and just stared flabbergasted at Piccolo. “You? You want to court a Saiyan?!” Piccolo felt his face grow warm and decidedly looked up at the rooftops of the city around him, already regretting the idea to come to Vegeta for advice, he should have known it would end up in disaster..

“No…”

“You do! And if you're coming to me for advice that must mean that it is some other Saiyan that has your attention!”

Piccolo pointedly didn't dignify that with an answer.

“But that means… surely not Kakarot?! That peasant isn't even smart enough to notice a proper courting and you think he deserves your attention? Meanwhile I the prince of all Saiyans do not?!”

Piccolo, not quite following what the shorter man was talking about anymore decided to just give up on the situation.

“Nevermind, I have to go now” he said as he turned around to leave.

“Now come back here! I'll show you what a real courting looks like! You can't just…. “ but Piccolo had already left and thus did not catch the end of the Saiyans rant.

 

 

The next time they all gathered for their regular impromptu meetup and training sessions Piccolo was prepared. He was wearing his new outfit, having already left the cape and turban at the hideout to properly show off the new look from the start. Him and Dende had, based on Dende’s observations, his own research, and what little he had gotten out of his disastrous talk with Vegeta, come up with a game plan. Human and Saiyan courting were both based on physical assets and abilities. A mate needed to show how they were able to provide protection and comfort through. And Piccolo was now confident in his game plan. After all, he was about as strong as Goku, and he had a bunch of abilities that were quite useful for protecting and providing for a partner, not that he actually thought that the reckless saiyan needed protection but he didn’t quite understand the finer points of mating rituals in general. After all, his own species had no need for such things. That didn’t stop him from wanting to do it. Just trying to stop thinking about it had proved both extremely difficult and very unfruitful. Trying to stop thinking about his former enemy turned rival turned friend through mutual caring for Gohan had just made him think more about him and his laughter, how the clear sound rang like bells in his sensitive ears and how it made him feel all mushy inside and….

“Nice outfit, Piccolo” Vegeta drawled. “You trying to impress someone?”

Piccolo felt his insides bristle at the implied insult. As a matter of fact the magenta color complimented his green complexion in a very flattering way as well as matching nicely with his purple Gi.

He turned around to face the short Saiyan and stopped still in his tracks. The man was wearing not his normal armor, but a skintight black v-neck t-shirt paired with a ridiculously tight pair of jeans. There was no way that could be comfortable or practical for fighting. Vegetas smirk widened as he saw how Piccolo was staring at his body.

“Hey Kakarot, check this out! ” Vegeta shouted, drawing everyone's attention towards where they were standing. His smirk was full of his usual arrogance as he waited for his audience to turn around. Piccolo took a frustrated step back, this was not how he had envisioned it to go. He glanced at the others, enhanced hearing allowing him to clearly hear Krillin's whisper of “What the fuck are those two wearing?” Piccolo decidedly did not feel his face heat up at that but crossed his arms, wishing for his cape to hide his emotions and help him be menacing, and turned at what on earth the Saiyan prince had come up with this time.

As soon as Goku turned around to watch Vegeta took a power stance and collected his breath, then performed a ridiculous set of moves, moving from one stance to another all meant to draw attention to his body and strength. With each punch into the air he released a small, well controlled energy ball finishing in a proper blast at the last stance. Piccolo huffed a small laugh, the whole sequence had looked awkward and rehearsed. What had he even thought it would accomplish?

“Ooh, cool coordination with the energy and the stances! Show me again!” Goku exclaimed, clearly intrigued by Vegeta's display. The response baffled Piccolo as Vegeta locked eyes with him, challenge clear in his eyes as he drawled to Goku about the move set and started going through it again.

So that was how it was going to be. Well, he couldn’t very well leave such a challenge unanswered now could he?

Taking a deep breath he went into his fighting stance, letting out a low scream as he gathered his energy into his fists. Energy now glowing around his hand he focused on the largest boulder on the field, a rock almost four times taller than himself, and punched it with a shout. Immediately the stone crumbled as the unleashed energy exploded, leaving a fine dust blowing in the wind. Perfect, just like he had planned, Goku’s attention was on him now, on his feat of physical strength. It was good for showing how well equipped he was for protecting and providing. He stood back up, crossing his arms again, making sure to show modesty while drawing the eye to the cleavage outlined in pink frill material, just like his and Dende’s research had said was most effective to gain the attention of a potential mate. He glanced up at Goku whose eyes were shining with excitement.

“Wow, Piccolo your training has really paid off! That stone was completely obliterated!” he said. Piccolo smiled, satisfied with his work. He sneaked a glance at Vegeta’s expression. He was visibly annoyed with Piccolos stealing of the show, something that made Piccolo feel even more satisfaction. Anything that made the annoyingly arrogant Saiyan prince taste his own medicine made him happy.

“Kakarot! Watch this!” Vegeta exclaimed again. Now he took a fighting stance and proceeded to throw up a handful of small rocks into the air, then jump up and with startling accuracy, punch them into the ground where they buried straight down, leaving startlingly massive craters in the grass.

Goku now looked at Vegeta, confusion clear on his face.

“Ok guys that was pretty cool, but what is this new training we’re doing…?”

Goku barely had time to finish his question before Piccolo, fed up with Vegeta’s interference in his plans ripped his shirt of, showing of the pink undershirt, modesty be damned. He would do this courting properly! Then ignoring the murmurs (“Dude, is that lace?”) he stretched his arm and punched Vegeta in the stomach.

“Stop doing that!” he said as Vegeta stuttered, having lost his breath from the blow.

“How dare you!”

“Please stop fighting!”

Gohan’s voice cut through his and Vegeta's fighting. Hearing the distress in the kids voice made him stop immediately and turn around to face him. He was looking at him with clenched fists and pleading in his eyes. Piccolo looked down at Vegeta. He had been showing his teeth growling at the short man holding him up by his shirt. Letting vegeta go as if he had been burnt the Saiyan sagged down on the ground lightly massaging his throat. He hadn't meant to become so violent, he was better now. Gohan had made him better, he had taught him kindness. And now look how he was repaying that kindness. By behaving like a violent demon. Suddenly very conscious of all the eyes on him he felt ashamed. All this planning, all this research. And for what? His inability to keep his self control and let go of thoughts and desires that were both irrational, unnatural and unnecessary. And now it was so out of control that it went out over Gohan. Unacceptable.

“Piccolo are you ok?” Goku asked

“Shut up” he grumbled. He needed to leave, now, before it escalated any further.

“I… Bye” he said, not meeting anyone's eyes, and shot up with a burst of energy, leaving them all behind.

 

 

Ready to give up on the whole ordeal and just resign himself to a life of longing, Piccolo finally decided to go to Gohan for advice. The kid was the smartest person he knew after all, and the most insightful one. As a matter of fact he should probably have started by asking the kid for help, the showdown with vegeta had just been straight up embarrassing.

“Hi Mr. Piccolo” Gohan greeted him happily. Piccolo smiled, easily relaxing into their comfortable routine. Gohan was sitting at the Son residences outside table, notebook in hand and scribbling notes as he read a heavy textbook. Piccolo himself had never really understood the fun with studying so much. If he needed to know something he would do his best to find out, but the eager to learn just for the sake of knowledge was a trait in Gohan that he admired, even if he didn't understand it. Which was why he was coming here for advice in the first place.

“Gohan, what does one do to start a relationship?”

Gohan gave Piccolo a slightly confused look before widening his eyes and staring up at him.

“Piccolo, are you asking me for dating advice? That's what all this has been about?” he asked.

Never having felt the need to keep anything about himself from the child he answered truthfully.

“Yes.”

Gohan put down his book and turned to him.

“Ok, just checking, because you are aware that I’m like, eight years old? And don’t have like, any experience with dating at all?” Gohan said squinting his eyes at him.

“Yes, of course I am aware of your age, what does that have to do with anything?”

“Just checking” Gohan answered with a sigh, then gave him a bright smile. “So while I don’t have any personal experience, my mum did give me this book on dating this year, since she thought I’m old enough to know these things now. And it says that while you might be all nervous and stuff, when you have a crush it is best to just try to relax, do what feels right, and be yourself!”

Piccolo frowned. That didn’t sound too hard. But Piccolo wasn’t even really sure on who he was anymore, so how could he be himself?

“What do they mean crush?” he asked instead.

“Well a crush is when you have feelings for someone, like love feelings” Gohan said conspiratorially. Piccolo smiled at the enjoyment the kid was clearly experiencing at being the one teaching him for once.

“So you’re saying I should just be myself and do what feels right?”

“Yeah, that’s what mum says”

“Hmmm...”

He would have to think about this, after all a simple plan was always strategically better than a complex one. It was worth a last shot.

 

A few days later Goku was training by himself in a field not far from the Son residence when Piccolo showed up. Throwing out a last energy blast the Saiyan looked up at him.

“Oh, hi Piccolo!” He said giving a wave. “You want something?”

“I was thinking, it’s been awhile since I trained with anyone else. Want to spar?” Piccolo answered, keeping his eyes firmly on his face, keeping steady eye contact. Definitely not glancing at the shining skin and hard muscles just slightly below.

“Oh sure!” Goku said eagerly, moving his feet and lifting his hand into his customary fighting stance without breaking eye contact. His grin turned mischievous. “Just like the good old days then? Fair warning though, I’m not gonna hold back.”

Piccolo smirked, slowly taking off his weighted turban and throwing the cape to the ground. Carefully keeping his eyes on Gokus the whole time.

“Well, neither am I” he smiled, moving to mirror the opening stance. Then Goku moved and suddenly he was right in his face throwing punches and kicks while Piccolo was forced to just stay on the defence and block them. Damn, the saiyan had gotten a lot stronger. But so had he. Finding his footing Piccolo managed to turn the opening onslaught to his own advantage and force back Goku. They kept exchanging punches and moves for a while, and then, as suddenly as they had clashed into each other, they broke apart.

“That’s what you call sparring?” Piccolo teased, lightly panting and trying to bait the orange clad fighter.

“Oh no, that’s just warm-up” Goku answered, equally out of breath, stretching his arms and smiling that carefree smile. Piccolo felt his breath hitch at the sight, his insides turning warm with tingly feelings. It made him want to punch something, preferably that exact face. And since Gohan wasn’t around this time, just like he had planned, Piccolo went up to do just that. But Goku blocked him at the last second, catching his wrist and holding it firmly in between them, chest still softly heaving up and down from the exercise. Their faces close enough that he could feel Goku’s breath on his. Without really thinking Piccolo placed his free hand on the moving chest, feeling the warm, hard muscles beneath. It felt nicer than he had ever been able to imagine.

“You ok?”

Piccolo raised his eyes to look up into Goku's. The look Goku was giving him was filled with wonder and amazement. Piccolo felt suddenly very aware of the situation he was now in, bodies close enough for him to feel the heat radiating from the warm blooded Saiyan, faces almost touching. He opened his mouth but nothing really came out. Goku gently let his hand go and Piccolo lamented the loss of skin contact as he let the hand on Goku's chest fall down with the other. This hadn’t been part of the plan, how could he had planned for this tingly feeling going through his body. He wasn’t even sure if he liked it or hated it.

“It’s fine” He finally managed to say, looking down on the ground.

“Cause there’s something I've wanted to do since I first fought you”

Startled Piccolo looked back up at the shorter fighter. And then Goku’s hand was on his chest as he reached up and grabbed his neck to draw his head down and kissed him. Shocked into stillness he was unable to react until Goku started to draw away, and then that too was unacceptable. So he took the only other alternative, and leaned in to kiss back with a fervour unlike anything he had experienced before. It was sloppy, clumsy, horrible, wonderful and suddenly Piccolo could understand perfectly why this was something people couldn’t seem to get enough off. If he had known kissing Goku would feel like this he would have started a long, long time ago.

Now panting for entirely other reasons they finally broke apart to just look at each other. Goku still smiling but now it was a warm knowing smile, not the mischievously lopsided one he had had earlier..

“Goku…”

“Man, was this how Chi-Chi felt when she first kissed me?” Goku mused softly, gently stroking his cheek, making Piccolos brain stutter even harder.

“I… I...”

“I’ve wanted to do that since forever you know? But I figured you weren’t interested because of the whole Namekian thing” He was still touching his face with his very warm, hot hands.

“You...I...It...”

“I love you too you know” Goku said not waiting for him to regain thinking power to find any words. “Wanna come home so we can tell Chi-Chi? She’s been waiting ever since she saw how good you were with Gohan”

“Yes” Piccolo finally managed to say, never having wanted anything more in his admittedly pretty short life. Looking down into Goku's dark eyes with an easy, slightly purple smile of his own. “Yeah, let’s do that”

 

Vegeta squinted as Kakarot and Piccolo stood closer to each other than usual. Something was off but he couldn't really figure out what it was that had changed. It had been a few weeks since he had seen either Kakarot or the green fighter. But Bulma had gathered all of them for some kind of celebration or another. He didn’t remember nor did he care what it was for, but it gave him a perfect opportunity to observe the pair from a comfortable distance. After all, the Namekian had come to him asking weird questions not too long ago. But that hadn’t seemed to have gone down anywhere. Which was great because he was Kakarot’s true rival, no matter what the green alien man thing thought. But then Kakarot casually touched Piccolo's arm as he leaned in to comment on something to the taller man and Piccolo didn't protest like he expected him to. No, in fact the Namekian leaned back into the touch! What the fuck was going on? They couldn't have…? No! Impossible!

“Kakarot! You utter imbecile! How dare you bed the Namekian and not me?! The prince of all Saiyans!?” Vegeta screamed, startling everyone out of their lazy conversations and small talk to turn around and stare at the Saiyans and Piccolo instead.

Piccolo just smirked at him from Kakarot's side, from where HE should clearly be, after all it was his mission to best the Saiyan in every way. Including showing him how much of a better mate he was! Didn't Kakarot know anything about their courting rituals?!

“Aw Vegeta, I didn't know you felt that way!” the imbecile offered sheepishly.

“You didn't…? How on earth could you not have known I've obviously been showing off for literal years!“

Krillin gave Vegeta a funny look while Bulma just rested her head in her hands.

“Well I just thought you were really angry about me beating you. But if you wanna maybe you could join us later?“

That imbecile! He even had the audacity to wink at him! And such a horribly sloppy wink as well, not subtle in the slightest. That was it, he would just need to be taught how to do it properly then.

“Maybe I will!” he called back before storming off to go punch as many training bots as he possibly could before he hit someone in the face instead. Krillin's words of “Goku, what the fuck did I miss?” were the last thing he heard before he slammed the front door shut.

Hah. Stupid human, he was obviously going to get laid tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> I shall personally fill the Piccolo/Goku tag with content, I love green space dad and his rowdy husband.


End file.
